Commit to your 'why'
This past August, I took my kids to a water park to celebrate the last days of summer. Unfortunately, my seventeen-year-old son was a bit salty because his friend was unable to join us. Stuck with the company of his parents and his nine-year-old sister, he was less than thrilled.
After eating some food and watching his sister have fun, he started coming around.
“Mom, will you go on the Peaks Speed Slide with me?” He asked.
Without hesitation, I said yes. I was honored he wanted me to accompany him and I was happy he was attempting to make the most of this expensive excursion.
Little did I know the waterslide was six stories high with a sign listing half a dozen reasons why those with medical conditions should not ride it. The line of people wrapped around several flights of stairs, indicating this waterslide was a premium attraction.
The closer we got to the top, the more difficult it became for me to breathe. To calm my nerves, I thought about my ‘why’ for taking this ride with my son. It wasn’t so he would think I was cool. I knew my teenage son would never consider me cool. I wanted to make a memory with him. This was my ‘why.’
As I stood on those steps and inched closer to the starting line, my heart raced and I shivered. Despite my body revolting on the exterior, internally, my ‘why’ helped override my fear.
When I reached the entrance, I stepped onto the slide, sat down, closed my eyes, and prayed I didn’t lose my bathing suit. While I screamed my way to the bottom, my son was waiting for me at the finish line, cheering me on. I was shaking and laughing and, luckily, still fully clothed.
Throughout the day, I accompanied him and my daughter on a variety of rides, none of which were quite as terrifying as the Peaks Speed Slide. At the end of the day my son asked me which ride was my favorite. Undoubtedly, it was the Peaks Speed Slide.
I would never have chosen it myself, too fearful of the six-story plummet, but after riding it, the truth was, it was thrilling, and it was even better sharing the experience with my son.
Writing and Your Why
Writing has a lot of ups and downs, and there are some terrifying parts to it. Writing the first draft, revising, or pitching can all be scary. The publishing world, reviews, and marketing can also be frightening, even for seasoned authors.
It’s a long process, it’s a marathon, not a sprint. Like waiting in line to ride the slide, the more time between beginning and completion, the more opportunity there is for fear to seep in.
Your ‘why’ is critical in getting you through these challenges. Whatever your ‘why’ is, and there may be more than one, hold on to it tightly. It’s your ‘why’ that will help you override your fears and doubts during the long journey.
Procrastination and Your Why
I’m guilty of procrastinating just like anyone else. When I struggle with procrastination, I know it’s my fear of failure that’s preventing me from moving forward.
I was born and raised in Miami, FL, a bona fide city girl. When it was time to select a college, I chose the University of Vermont because it was far from home and the opposite of anything I had known. I wanted a fresh start and to experience new things.
One summer day in Vermont, I went hiking with friends. Unfamiliar with hiking or what it required (Florida doesn’t have hills or mountains), I hit a wall. I hyperventilated and thought to myself, I’m not going to make it, someone is going to have to carry me back.
I spent a lot of time at the top of the mountain hemming and hawing and delaying the inevitable descent. I could have spent all night up there, but it wouldn’t have changed the fact that the only way down, was for me to hike downhill. No one was going to carry me.
I reminded myself of my ‘why’ for hiking. I wanted a different experience. I wanted more nature. This was what I asked for, and for better or worse, this was part of the experience. It was up to me to get down the mountain the same way I got up – using my legs.
It’s the same with writing. You will hit a wall, and you might hem and haw with procrastination, but in the end, procrastinating won’t change the fact that in order to finish your project you have to write - period.
You can ask for support and guidance, but it’s your story, and you are the only one who can create it and complete it. When you are struggling like this, revisit your ‘why.’
Why are you writing this book? What wisdom do you want to share with the world? This will help you break through that wall and carry you through procrastination.
Feedback and Your Why
Nothing is quite as vulnerable as handing your work to someone and asking for their feedback. I’ve felt less exposed at my OBGYN than I have giving my work to an editor. It’s terrifying to show someone your inner world, let alone your prowess over the English language. You might as well be handing them your diary. That’s how exposed one might feel.
While you will likely have an overarching ‘why’ or ‘whys’ to buoy you through the writing process, receiving feedback requires a different ‘why.’ This ‘why’ is more practical and may be difficult to admit. Feedback will make you a better writer.
Make sure to ask the right people for feedback. Writing groups can be great for a variety of reasons, but feedback doesn’t tend to be one of them. Oftentimes, you have developed an intimacy within the group that makes giving honest feedback difficult. Writing partners may also lack objectivity because they have listened to you talk about your story in addition to reading various sections. Therefore, they understand what you want the story to be, which can cloud their interpretation of what has made it onto paper.
Asking a developmental editor, a book coach, a beta reader, or a friend who will be honest with you and reads in your genre, are all excellent options for feedback. Feedback will provide objectivity that is too hard to garner as the creator of your story. Remember your ‘why’ – you want to write the best book possible.
Publishing and Marketing
Whether you self-publish, hybrid publish, or traditionally publish, you will enter a world that feels separate from writing. You have now entered the business world.
With traditional publishing, there will be negotiations, contracts, and obligations. Suddenly, the autonomy you enjoyed while writing your story no longer exists. Now, you are a collaborator. This is your project but it’s also your agent’s, editor’s, and publisher’s project too.
Story elements may need to be changed or discarded. You may not have any say over the title, character names, or book cover. You will also be expected to navigate and handle much of the marketing.
Even as a self-publisher, you will have to think in collaborative terms with your intended audience. You will have to think like a marketer and a salesperson. Remembering your ‘why’ and homing in on it, is vital in this phase because you will likely feel outside your natural environment.
Keep in mind there is no perfect job. There is no utopia. It doesn’t exist. If you want to write books and deliver them to the masses, this is what is required. There is no getting around it. Your ‘why’ will help you deal with the feelings accompanying this process.
Why Oh Why is the 'Why' so Important?
Say that ten times fast. We’re humans trying to figure out life and do our best while trying to make sense of it all. No one has all the answers. Not Oprah, not the Dalai Lama, and certainly not myself. Many of us are simply trying to make it through the day.
We often don’t consider the ‘why’ behind our actions, choices, or reactions. We are busy doing or busy thinking about what we want to do. But if you take time to dig deep and understand your ‘why,’ you will be better equipped to forge ahead and reach the goals you set.
There is no wrong ‘why.’ There is no judgment. If you’re hoping to be famous or make millions, those are perfectly reasonable ‘whys.’ If that’s your ‘why,’ it’s no better or less than anybody else’s ‘why.’ Whatever motivates and drives you through this process is good enough.
I encourage you to dig below the surface of your ‘why’ and understand it from as many angles and depths as possible. The better your understanding, the more powerful your ‘why’ will be.
Making memories with my son was my ‘why’ for shooting down a six-story waterslide at 50 mph. Underneath that ‘why’ is the reality my time with him is short, as he will be leaving for college in less than two years. Below that ‘why’ is the idea that I want him to have as many positive memories of me as possible.
Keep digging and really understand your ‘why’ and it will help fortify you against all the ups and downs of writing life. Just like the six-story waterslide, the writing journey may be scary, but once you reach your goal, it may be the best journey you have ever travelled.
