how to live with criticism and keep writing
Once upon a time, before the internet and social media reared their ugly heads, criticism and judgment were brief pangs of hurt for an author. While writers may have received a poor review in the paper or by word of mouth, the visibility of their critique was limited, and the longevity of the judgment short-lived. Back then, people were given the opportunity to forget, move on, and live their lives. Nowadays, criticism lives forever and it lives online.
Critics are certainly more ferocious too, and the platforms to criticize are open to all. Where once professional book reviewers dominated the press, now readers as well as the everyday “Joe and Jill” can share their opinions publicly. Authors have to endure all critics, regardless of their expertise, and determine which reviews are constructive and which are frivolous.
How writers deal with discomfort, vulnerability, shame, embarrassment, or whatever feelings are elicited by criticism, will in part, determine the longevity of their writing career. It’s like the old adage, if you fall off the horse, get back on. Those who get back on the horse will fare well and build calluses along their journey. Those who may be dissuaded from writing because their work has been criticized, must learn healthy ways of dealing with it and keep moving forward if they are to succeed.
Criticism is part of the package for all artists. Whether you are a painter, writer, chef, musician, or a dancer, there will be critiques.
In this article, we will explore the difference between feedback and criticism, the psychology of fear, when to fight for your project and when to listen to the reviews, what percentage of positive reviews should one aim for, how to be kind to yourself, and lastly, how to develop healthier coping skills to endure judgment and criticism.
The difference between feedback and criticism
Feedback is typically given for the purpose of being helpful and to improve the work. Feedback is based on careful evaluation and provides specific information to correct the pieces that aren’t working. Criticism on the other hand is not necessarily intended to improve the writing and is focused on passing judgment and looking for faults.
Why does this matter? For writers, it can be almost impossible to look at their own work objectively. For many, these stories and characters have lived inside of them for years. All writers need a fresh pair of eyes on their work to help edit and revise, they need feedback to make their stories better. Understanding the difference between feedback and criticism can help authors navigate which people to listen to and which people to disregard.
Editors, agents, book coaches, beta readers, and more offer feedback. It can feel like criticism at times, but the intention is to help the writer. Reviews of published work are intended to inform the reader and therefore feel less beneficial to the writer when such reviews are critical.
The psychology behind the fear of criticism
We are all hard-wired to avoid danger, it’s part of our “fight, flight, or freeze” response system that has helped us survive for eons. When we perceive danger, of any type, whether it’s physical danger or emotional danger, our system responds. One of the first ways we respond is to make meaning of the potential danger so that we can avoid it now and avert it in the future.
In this case, the danger is the fear of criticism and the meaning we attribute to it will determine how we will react. Those who believe criticism means they are no good will likely flee – at least temporarily. Writers who infer they could improve their writing skills in one area but overall believe in their work, will likely stay and fight through their discomfort. Authors unsure of which criticism is helpful in improving their writing and which criticism is downright mean, may freeze.
We all react to criticism differently and we may be more vulnerable at certain times than others. How we respond to it will likely determine our next course of action. Therefore, preparing for ways in which you might respond to a bad review and developing a supportive infrastructure for yourself prior to putting your work out there, is imperative.
“A professional writer is an amateur who didn’t quit”
- Richard Bach
When should authors fight for their project and when should they listen to the reviews?
We are all familiar with stories of famous authors who were rejected 80 times and on the 81st try, their work was published. So how do you know when to fight for your work and when to improve upon it? The simplest answer is, intuition and experience.
If you ask most writers, “What do you think isn’t working in the story?” more often than not, they know. They might not always have a name for it (flat characters or pacing), but they know something about their story isn’t holding together. In this case, hiring a beta reader or an editor to help you determine what needs revision would be the next step to take – rather than trying to defend work you know isn’t “ready.”
Experience is the other factor that helps writers determine when to ignore criticism and fight for their project, when to use criticism constructively in order to improve, and when to walk away from a project that simply isn’t working. After an author has been in the field for a while, they begin to get a sense of what feels true and what doesn’t. Though writing can be a lonely profession, after years in the field, authors do develop a great network of people to provide support and objectivity which helps them navigate bad reviews or critical feedback.
“Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak, it’s also what it takes to sit down and listen.”
- Winston Churchill
How to develop a healthy perspective when your work is being critiqued
If you’re relatively new to having your work critiqued or if you find criticism difficult, it can be helpful to think about how you might talk to your younger self in this situation – or – if you have children, how you might talk to them.
For example, if a child brought you their artwork and it wasn’t at the level of a Picasso, you wouldn’t tell them to stop painting, that they will never be a great artist. You would encourage them to keep trying or give them a “how-to” book, but knowing most things in life improve with practice, you honor their effort and encourage them to keep going. Do the same thing for yourself!
Take the licks of criticism on the chin and keep going, learn from it and improve. Most people’s first attempt at anything isn’t going to be great, but it becomes great with effort and dedication. Just imagine what would have happened to all of the great artists if critiques of their first works were so painful, they quit. There would be no Bach, no Rembrandt, no Hemingway. If you love what you do, if you love to write, keep at it and don’t allow critiques to prevent you from success.
What does a positive critique look like and what should I be aiming for?
Caitlin Lynagh, a blogger from Diary of a Young Writer looked at 50 popular books and their subsequent reviews. She created a whole spreadsheet here if you want to dive into greater detail, but the main point is, a majority of those books (90%) had 3-star reviews or higher.
For an aspiring author, the thought of a 3-star review might sound lackluster, but when the data shows how many successful authors receive the same rating, one can be reassured a 3-star review is nothing to feel bad about.
Those with 5-star reviews were in the 30%-50% range. In other words, even Harry Potter had plenty of 3-star reviews in the mix amongst the millions of praises it earned. Leo Tolstoy received more than 13,000 1-star reviews of Anna Karenina.
You’re not going to please everyone, so criticism and judgment are something to learn to live with, not fear and avoid. They can’t all be winners and they won’t be. While some successful authors have had their books win awards and sell millions, they have also had poor reviews and work considered unpublishable.
How to develop a thicker skin when it comes to reviews
No matter what you do or how good your therapist is, a bad review is going to hurt – it just is. What you do with it from there is up to you.
You can allow it to defeat you, you can stop writing, you can make those critics all-powerful, and you can choose to never expose your work to criticism or judgment again.
Or, you can accept that criticism and judgment are part of the package and learn to deal with it in the healthiest way possible.
Below are a few helpful tips to help you learn to live with the discomfort and pain of criticism.
1. Believe in your “why” – Why do you write? Why did you write this particular story? What is it you want your readers to feel when they read your work and why is it important to you? Hold onto your why and don’t let go.
2. Don’t take it personally – Separate yourself from the work. You are not your work, it’s one of the many things you do, but it doesn’t define who you are. You likely have a full life, you might be a husband, a parent, or a volunteer, there are many aspects of you and writing is only one of many.
3. Decide whose criticism is meaningful – Not all critics are created equal. Feel free to swipe past the “everyday Joe” and focus on the reviews of those whose opinions matter. A reader who never reads your genre and doesn’t like your book can be discarded. A book critic who liked your prose but believes the characters are flat, might be worth listening to.
4. Know that your work will continue to improve – Your work will continue to evolve with time and practice. If you receive a lot of criticism at first, it doesn’t mean your writing will never level up – it will – but you have to do the work to get it there.
5. Self-Care – This term is a bit tricky because it assumes we all have the luxury of time and resources to pamper ourselves or take time out of our busy schedules. However, taking care of one’s mental and physical health is important and it’s especially important in times of stress. Self-care can be as simple as eating well, taking a walk outside, or meditating. It doesn’t have to mean getting a massage or going on a wellness retreat.
6. Outsource reading the critiques – No one says you have to be the one to read the reviews. If you are already a seasoned author and this is your career, hire a virtual assistant to read them and give you a summary. If you are newer to writing, have someone you trust read the reviews on your behalf and give you the feedback in filtered form.
7. Silence your electronic feed – If you are feeling overwhelmed by bad reviews and you aren’t sure how to recover, silence the noise. Turn off social media, redirect your emails, and do what you need to do to unplug and restore. Sometimes, stepping away for a while is the perfect cure
8. Celebrate yourself – This might sound trite when you are in the depths of despair but it’s important to remember all you have accomplished. Few people are willing to put their work out there for fear of failure, fear of success, or fear of judgment. If you have sent your work out into the world regardless of your fears, that my friend is called courage and you deserve to celebrate it.
“Success is not final, failure is not fatal, it is the courage to continue that counts.”
-Winston Churchill
Conclusion
Criticism and judgment are naturally challenging for all of us. I have yet to meet someone who looks forward to being judged and criticized. Though some may take it in stride and others feel as though they’ve been in a boxing match, these feelings will pass – the pain is finite.
Though most authors are hoping for 4 and 5-star reviews, chances are, they will receive a whole range of reviews during the lifetime of a writing career. Wiser generations warn those behind them to take chances, that more than likely, people will regret not doing something rather than trying and not meeting a standard of success. As long as writers develop a tolerable relationship with criticism, they will live to write another day.
